PROCEEDS FROM YR DONATION WILL GO TO THE ENTERTAINMENT COMMUNITY FUND UNTIL THE WRITERS STRIKE ENDS. SOLIDARITY!!!

Will you still love me after I’ve fucked up?
After I’ve shown I don’t deserve your trust
and I’m not the person that you thought I was?
Will you still love me after I’ve fucked up?
What will you feel when you see my name pop up?
I’ve grown and changed but can it ever be enough?
‘Cause growing and changing doesn’t change the stuff
Will you still love me after I’ve fucked up?

Would you transcend time and space so you can punch my stupid face and knock some sense into my head before I make a terrible mistake and make you rethink everything that you thought was good in me? “I’m better than the things I did!” Then why did I do them anyway? And does the weight I’ll carry from here on out even compare to the damage that I’ve caused? No! It does fucking not! So why should you care? Would it be easier for both of us if I just disappeared? ‘Cause I’m still here!

Will you still love me once I’ve given up,
drifted away and left the rest to rust?
Burned out my brain and ground my bones to dust
Took you for granted and you fell out of love
Just like that

HEAD

I am just an avatar of someone I’ve invented
A messenger of certainties I’m trying to decode
Fact and fiction both depicted as the truth for profit
and all I have to understand is what I’m being told
It’s difficult articulating any silver lining
When the signal fires burning cast a fog over the sky
I am screaming something that will later be deleted
and bracing for a world no longer suitable for life

‘Cause there’s a bomb inside my head
and I wish that I could disconnect the threads
There’s a bomb inside my head
and I wish that I could disconnect the threads

Currently it’s obvious there are no fair elections,
There is no constitution and there is no bill of rights
and if you gather in the streets to demonstrate objections,
They’ll beat you with a club and whisk you off into the night.
Watching as they dilly dally putting out the fires.
Kickin’ back and chillin’, throwin’ decades in the dump
Wag your tail and giggle at the idiot who stumbles
While he holds you captive for the speeding headlights coming on

‘Cause there’s a bomb inside my head
and I wish that I could disconnect the threads
There’s a bomb inside my head
and i wish that i could disconnect the threads

And I don’t wanna think about it anymore
I don’t wanna think about it anymore
And it feels okay
But that doesn’t make it stop

LIKED U BETTER

Creepin’ out the fog
I start to sense that something’s wrong
My heart is racing fast and beating out of time.
Driving me insane,
Why are you hardwired to my brain
While I just skip along and tell myself I’m fine?

I liked you better when you weren’t on my mind
I liked you better when you weren’t on my mind

Thought of you again
and I don’t wanna tell my friends.
Don’t wanna scare ‘em off
and don’t wanna be judged
But it’s so fuckin’ tiring being tired all the time
With no indication that it’s ever gonna stop.
It won’t let up.

I liked you better when you weren’t on my mind
I liked you better when you weren’t on my mind

I don’t wanna concede that you’ll never leave
Whether I like it or not
I wish I was strong

Can you just get the fuck out of here
and let me get back to my day?
Can you find another host on somethin’
and please be on your way?
Thanks so much! TYSM!!! :-)

DOUBT

Speak
Even if it feels weird
Even if it feels weird to be yourself
Speak
Even if it’s hard to
Even if it hurts you
Even if your brain begins to melt
Slow motion breakdown
Pantomime for help

Scream
It doesn’t matter anyway
It doesn’t matter anyway so let it out
Scream
Louder than you need to
Loud enough to cut through
Louder than the noise that drowns you out
Slow motion breakdown
There’s no need to be scared
Nobody knows it’s there

When the day stops short
and the sun goes down on you
and you didn’t get done
Anything you wanted to
It’d be one thing if it’s once or twice
But it’s every night your entire life
The redundancy of your POV
Infinite serotonin starving fever dream
Slow motion kill screen
Slow motion kill screen
Slow motion kill screen
There’s no need to be scared
Nobody knows it’s there

Kill all the doubt or the doubt is never gonna go away
Kill all of the doubt or it’ll waste your day
Kill all of the doubt or it’ll never go away
I don’t know how to scrape the dog shit that’s stuck on
The heart of the fuckin’ world!
How to cut loose the doom that’s been screwed to
The roof of your fuckin’ skull!
How to make life the kind where you don’t die
regretting what you haven’t done!
You gotta chill out with the doubt the doubt the doubt
You gotta chill out with the doubt the doubt the doubt
You gotta chill out with the doubt the doubt the doubt
You gotta cool it with the doubt
Slow motion breakdown
Slow motion breakdown
Slow motion breakdown

FUTURE IS DUMB As we charge swiftly into darkness
As the alternatives fall through
Do you still dream about tomorrow?
Does it look like the one you knew?
Does it remind you of a future we won’t do?

The garbage we’ve shaped into mountains
Assistance with a twisted catch
Do you still dream about tomorrow?
Does it stare at you from the past?
Does it just sit there like a flavor that didn’t last?

The rain doesn’t fall by the end of the day
And I’ll continue to have nothing to say
Oh, the weight of the world makes me feel like
The future is gone.

It’s weird that we’ve become numb to it
We’ve grown accustomed to the fear
Do you still dream about tomorrows
After the ones that brought us here
Or are you just burnt out thinkin’
“damn, i gotta deal with this shit
another fuckin’ year”

The rain doesn’t fall by the end of the day
And I’ll continue to have nothing to say
Oh, the weight of the world makes me feel like
The future is gone
The present’s insane
The future is dumb
The past all mistakes

And I don’t wanna battle ‘bout
The triggers that they placed or where we
Land on the minutiae of the infinite tragedy
I’ll roll my eyes ‘cause I don’t give a flying fuck
Whether I’m right of if I’m wrong
The future is dumb

So what if you die?
So what if you don’t die?
So what if bubbling haze rains ash from the sky
‘Cause the world doesn’t owe you?
So what if you die?
So what if you don’t die?
So what if destiny lands and burns us alive
‘Cause the world doesn’t owe you?
So what if you die?
So what if you don’t die?
So what if reservoirs have gone empty and dry
‘Cause the world doesn’t owe you?
So what if you die?
So what if you don’t die?
So what if you realize that we ran out of time
And the world doesn’t owe you?
The world doesn’t owe you
The world doesn’t owe you
The world doesn’t owe you a thing.

SOFT LIVING

When you think of me
Do you see something inside me that
I could never see
Some amount of miles away
Daydreaming straight into the blaze?
Aaron Carter in a Target screamin’
“Is it a mistake?”

We watched the sunset dreamsmog
Shit out the doom fog
When this song comes on
Put all your clothes on
Count to ten and breathe
Drink some water
When your head starts spinnin’
I tried everything that was easy
Oh, it’s hard soft living

What’s it gonna take
To guide the brush fires to eradicate
Every single trace of these
Scumfuck white supremacist shitlords?
When this song comes on
Burn a police car
To just stay strong is hard
When all you can think of
Is how did we go so wrong?
How did we go so wrong?
How did we go so wrong?

Don’t wanna hold out for the end of the world
Don’t wanna hold out for the end of the world

We watched the sunset dreamsmog
Shit out the doom fog
When this song comes on
Turn all the lights on
Because it’s done
So clean up and try not to think of
How did we go so wrong?
How did we go so wrong?

HEALMODE

I never thought I’d say it
But it’s hard to hate the rain in California
The air is cold and blurry
As it presses the pine needles to your car
Tumbleweeds roll through the parking lots
of shopping malls and supermarkets
Everyone is inside
Watching movies on their TV’s
Staying warm

The street outside is flashing
Underneath infrequent bursts of glaring headlights
Moving like a glacier
or careening like a drunkard towards the trees
Flick my shitty lighter and pull smoke
From the one-hitter on the doorstep
Blow into the fog and listen to
The paradiddles on the leaves

When it’s gone the air will clear
and we’ll have so much more to see
The stores will be filled up with people
Trying to buy their groceries

For now I’m standing in the moonlight
Wondering when will this all be over
I’m wondering if it really doesn’t matter
What I do or what I say
I’m wondering if the neighborhood coyotes
Found a good place to take cover
And if it’s gonna be another fourteen months
Before it really rains

When it’s gone the air will clear
And we’ll have so much more to see
The construction will continue
And the power tools will screech
And cars will cram the street
And that’s just fine with me

‘Cause I will stay will with you
Not do a single thing all day with you
And hunker down after the storm is through
Perfect lazy days
Where all you need is me
And all I need is you
Perfect chatty days
Where all you need is me
And all I need is you
Perfect rainy days
Where all you need is me
And all I need is you
Perfect lazy days
Where all you need is me
And all I need is you, you

LIFE ADMIN

Little washer on the ground
Why didn’t I pick you up
Right when I found you
With my annoying stupid fucking face?
I’m losing my mind
I gotta leave this place
Might go to the desert
‘Cause I make enough to
Fuck off to the desert
If I want to
I haven’t decided yet.
Got a sweet new pedal
and I don’t pay rent, cuz

It’s been a weird day for me
I don’t think it’s been a good day for you
So I wanna make the rest of it
Less devastating
Trying to get boba
But they keep me waiting, waiting

I don’t wanna write a song
About anything these days
I throw them all away
Like I can never do with
All the stupid shit
Gathering spider eggs
In my bougie basement
Now I’m living with the fear
That anyone will find out how I live
Having barbecues out on the deck
Drinking ice cold beers
Under a fire season sunset

It’s been a weird day for me
I don’t think it’s been a good day for you
And I wanna cheer you up
Without you feeling pressure
Maybe listen a Slaughter Beach, Dog record
It’s been a good day for me
I think that it’s been a good day for you
and I’m wondering if the pizza spot
Is still worth hating
Got burned last December
And I’m still complaining
Complaining, complaining, complaining

I WANNA BE WRONG

When I can sense that jaws of hatred
Have sunk in their fangs forevermore
I wanna be wrong, I wanna be wrong
When I can see that there’s just no talking to
People deceived by fascists
I wanna be wrong, I wanna be wrong

And I wanna say I didn’t think that
It would get so bad, so bad

When I feel like that despite our efforts
We’re ignored and unrepresented
I wanna be wrong, I wanna be wrong

And I really wish that
I could say that I could see the end
The end, the end

But decisions get made
By these pricks who benefit from disaster
And it’s easy for you right now
So you don’t think about after
But what you gonna do when it’s gotta stop?
Rise up in streets and got shot by cops?

You can call me crazy, baby
I wanna be wrong, so wrong

I wake up every day and
Something new is happening happening
I wake up every day and
Something bad is goin’ on goin’ on
I wake up every day to
This new dumb reality and I think
How do I wake up
When I just don’t wanna?

‘Cause I thought we could be better
But I’m starting to give up
You can call me crazy, baby
I wanna be wrong, so wrong

GRAVEYARD SONG

Awakened by a blaring notification
The contents of which
I have trouble remembering
The constant chaos keeps a brain a-rattlin’
Tweaking yet somehow desensitized

Watching the world burst into
Flames for no reason
Other than the fear that
You were wrong about something
Fuck building bridges
Everybody start diggin’
A graveyard for the things that need to die
Graveyard for the things that need to die

Let it crash, let it fall
It doesn’t do any good at all
When someone causes pain
And it’s ok to push them away
To get unstuck and let the sun
Pull the flowers out of the mud

Someone gets a gun
Doesn’t know why he shoots
It doesn’t matter
Once the flesh is torn
It doesn’t make a difference
If we all can say
Exactly how it got to be this way
Stop trying to explaining to me
Why I’m supposed to be forgiving
If you will not say you’re sorry
FUCK ALL THESE PEOPLE

3 SUMMERS

Don’t kid yourself
Don’t tell yourself that you’re not evil
‘Cause they’re cheering you on
Like you’ve never done wrong
Don’t you pretend
The world is treating us all equal
When a person can starve as another one hops in a
Lyft plus to JFK
To Europe, expenses paid
I know it’s not okay
but I still participate

How hard can you go?
And for how long can you sustain it
When the force that fights back doesn’t ever relax?
It’s so relentless
Oh, how long can you defend against a cheat code
At a furious pace with a smile on your face
‘Til they pick you up off the floor
With more effort than before?
It’s the fate of not being bored
You’re not with us anymore

If I can’t keep myself from speaking loud
Where am I gonna fit in the real world?
If I can’t help myself from freaking out
How am I gonna live?

I want the warmest breeze to blow
I want the banks and schools to close
I want the universe to glow for you

I danced and sang
I held my friends
For three whole summers
And fell into their laps
When the windows went black
I needed love
I needed warmth
I needed pressure
Sticking tight to my skin
Squeezing out what’s within that
At nights keeps me awake
In crowds keeps me afraid
Heaven is in the rain
Dripping from the ceiling

If I can’t keep myself
From speaking loud
Where am I gonna fit in the real world?
If I can’t help myself
From freaking out
How am I gonna live?

I want the warmest breeze to blow
I want the banks and schools to close
I want the universe to glow until it’s
Too bright for our eyes
Too much to keep inside
Too smart to criticize
Too dumb to rationalize
Did you have a good time?
Got hurt but feelin’ fine?
Goofed up on bad wine
Stay young until you die
Stay young until you die
Stay young until you die
Stay young until you die

I sat around and watched the wind
For three whole summers
An eternity lapsed
As I swallowed attacks
And just held them in
I can’t be fixed
So I’m just achin’
‘Cause the longer I go
Is the more that i know
That I’m different than before
And you can’t help me anymore