VOICEMAIL

I broadcasted your face on to my TV screen,
I compared our facial features with a mirror.
I just want to be around you every single day,
is it weird that I’ve been thinking about you?
I know the normal thing to do would be to talk to you,
but I won’t.

I read through all the emails that you wrote to me,
and again the ones that I sent back to you.
I hope I can important in your life some day.
Is it wrong that I’ve been thinking about that?
I just wanted to leave a message, no need to call back.

Bye bye.

KIMMY

Kimmy, I’m too nervous to talk about this now,
I tried not to say your name but it just kept coming out.

When I see you later I’m gonna have to figure it out,
When I see you later.

Kimmy, I’m a disaster and I don’t wanna pretend
that I’m not gonna get more intense when we finally connect.

When I see you later I’m gonna have to figure it out,
When I see you later, I promise that you’ll want me around.
All the stars in the sky start aligning or something,
shimmering sweet nothings.
When I see you later.

The sun is burning through the gray,
and soon enough we’ll breathe.
Until then please just tell me how to be.

When I see you later I’m gonna have to figure it out,
When I see you later, I promise that you’ll want me around.
All the stars in the sky start aligning or something,
shimmering cheap nothings.
When I see you later, yeah.

WHITE NOISE

I don’t wanna write it down, I don’t wanna say it out loud.
Cuz if I do then it’s real, if it’s real then it hurts,
and if it hurts it could only get worse.

Can’t get you out of my head,
I listen to white noise instead.
Can’t get you out of my head,
if I loved you too much
would you ever wanna see me again?

Blacked out on election day,
I’m tripping over my words on stage.
I’m a creature of fear and the fear is a curse,
and if I’m cursed it could only get worse.

Can’t get you out of my head, I listen to white noise instead.
Can’t get you out of my head, if I loved you too much would you ever wanna see me again?

When you really know me,
and I mean really know me,
will you wanna know me anymore?

BREATHLESS ON DVD

I haven’t seen you in a long time.
Are you still sitting at the booth at the Brooklyn Bowl,
with your long red coat and the tears welling in your eyes?
I haven’t seen you in a long time.
Are you still 27 and mad at me,
watching “Breathless” on DVD
in the dead of winter 2009?

Why did I crumble? Why did I crumble?
Why did I crumble at the thought of you last night?

You haven’t seen me in a long time but I’m still
23 and worrying everyone I love is just pretending.
You haven’t seen my in a long time,
but I still walk along the beach at night,
I’m absolutely terrified I can’t make it on my own.

Why did I crumble? Why did I crumble?
Why did I crumble at the thought of you last night?
We could never get it right.

Am I unhappy because I’m not free,
or not free because I’m unhappy?
I wanted to see you to see if I still wanted to see you.
But that’s not fair.

Why did I crumble? Why did I crumble?
Why did I crumble at the thought of you last night?
We could never get it right. We could never get it right.

I wanted to see you to see if I still wanted to see you.
I wanted to see you to see if I still wanted to see you.

THE PRICE IS RIGHT THEME SONG

Holiday in the hospital, no snow, just a long white coat.
Choking rhythms on a stethoscope,
this year I’m going to die.

I hear the elevator door bell ring,
listen for the shuffle of familiar feet
walking down the hallway but I guess no one
will come to say goodnight.

Oh my lord, I wish that I didn’t know
the world’s not gonna end for anybody else.

See the future in dry erase, time blocks, corresponding names,
the empty space beyond the window pane
or a beep to stay alive.

Oh my lord, I wish that I didn’t know
they’ll still make TV shows long after I go.

Why does it take so long to say goodnight?
Why does it take so long to say goodnight?

When I cross over what song will I hear?
Something lovely or digital clipping in my ear?
And at that moment my final breath danced around my lungs to the music in the background,
“The Price Is Right” theme song.

Why does it take so long to say goodnight?
Why does it take so long to say goodnight? Goodnight.

SO VIVID!

I’m getting better in the worst way,
learning how to go on without you.
When did it become so much easier?
I barely even thought about you today.
I’m getting better in the worst way.

Every time I close my eyes there you are,
some kind of hallucination.
Every time I close my eyes. It used to be so vivid.

Those bright dots that swim around my blue sky
must have found a better place to hide.
Why did they leave me here
underground and overwhelmed by the fear
that one day I’ll love someone who’s not you?

Every time I close my eyes there you are,
some kind of hallucination.
Every time I close my eyes. It used to be so vivid.

As my eyes adjust there’s a glow in the darkness,
bright white luminance.
You never looked so pretty.

Every time I close my eyes there you are,
some kind of hallucination.
Every time I close my eyes. It used to be so vivid.

FREAKIN’ U OUT

There goes my head up in the clouds,
every time I hear your name out loud.
I thought I made all of it up,
I hope I’m not freaking you out.

My fingernails are falling off,
I was trapped in hell and I clawed my way out.
I thought I made all of it up,
but it’s real, it’s real, it’s the realest thing that ever was.

I hope I’m not freaking you out,
I didn’t really get a lot of sleep last night,
I hope you still want me around,
I hope I’m not freaking you out.

If you ever wake up
would you wanna waste some time with me?
Cuz all night I stayed up
trying to shake how much you mean to me.

There goes my head up in the clouds,
every time I say your name out loud.

ALL THESE NIGHTS

If all these perfect lives run out where will we stand?
Will I be rendered insignificant,
will you still wanna be my friend?
Cuz if you don’t I understand eternally,
just know I’ll always grab ahold of you if you reach out for me.

And it’s so weird to navigate these fears.
I’ll be so sad if you fade away from here.

When all these guest room nights run out where will I go?
Back to the iridescent memories that I chose to leave alone?
And would I make it back to find the colors fade
just like a sentimental photograph that I need to throw away?

And it’s so weird to navigate these fears.
I’ll be so sad if you fade away from here.

All these nights we spend,
I hope they’re always worth something.
Is it all right to be on the darker side of you and me?

And when the sunlight melts away, who will you be?
Will you wanna be here? Will you wanna be here with me?

NOT YOURS

Why should I apologize? I’m just trying to live my life.
Did that ever cross your mind?

I don’t need you the way you want me.
I don’t need you the way you want me to.

I never meant to let you down.
I gave you more than I gave anyone.
And I can never get it back.

My heart’s not yours just because you need it,
just because you need me.
My heart’s not yours just because you need it,
just because you need me.

I don’t need you the way you want me,
I don’t need you the way you want me to.
Just because you need me, doesn’t mean I’m yours.
Just because you need me, doesn’t mean I’m yours.

DO IT OVER

Can I become a better person before the clock strikes twelve?
I wish I didn’t fall in love with everyone I ever met,
and I would never be sad again
if I could only live inside your head.

I thought my life was gonna change
but this year, this year, this year I stayed painfully the same.
I don’t wanna talk about myself like that anymore.
Can I just do it all over?

I can’t keep ducking conversations
before they all catch on,
I wish I didn’t give so much to anyone who ever asked,
and I would never be sad again
if I could only live inside your head.

ANOTHER GOOD THING

Buried underneath a stack of papers on my desk
there’s a document and a signed $10 check.
Precautionary measures in case I change my mind.
On the drive over with the stereo turned off,
I sunk into a pit filled with catastrophic thoughts.
My trusty lack of confidence, you’re keeping me alive.

Maybe this is just another good thing
that happens to everybody but me.
Maybe this is just another good thing out of my reach. You’re so out of my reach.

Behind the guest room door,
I felt weird and we had sex.
Gathered up our clothes,
we shook hands and then I left.
Feels like it’s been forever but that was Friday night.

Maybe this is just another good thing
that happens to everybody but me.
Maybe this is just another good thing out of my reach. You’re so out of my reach.

Covered in fake blood, I got bad news from a friend.
It didn’t work this time but we can try again.

LIFELIKE

Will I ever be the person they see in me?
I’m not there yet, haven’t even left yet.
I’m drawing pictures of outer space
while they’re swimming in the milky way,
three miles from me, light years away, hey, hey.

I do my best to keep it all in frame.
Wipe those tears from off my lifelike face.
But I don’t have it in me today.

Could I ever do what all the other humans do?
Like introduce myself or think of someone else?
Am I just a photograph
buried underneath the growing stack?
Three miles high. There’s a better life.

I do my best to keep it all in frame.
Wipe those tears from off my lifelike face.
But I don’t have it in me today. Yeah.

E-MAIL

Every now and then I think I’ll see you
walking on the far side of the street.
I’ll try to catch your eye like we were classmates,
and you’ll look at me like you never knew me,
but I’ll keep staring paralyzed or something
until I think of how to look away.
Pretend I’m just some dumb distracted weirdo,
or pretend I know someone standing behind you.
but I’ve got too much going on to wait.