THE MATT KURZ ONE
IF YOU CAN'T JOIN 'EM, BEAT 'EM

Eleven rock and roll tracks performed by one dude who plays five instruments at the same time. The Matt Kurz One will take his bachelor's degree in English and school you about Virginia, Long Island, and the leader of the Soviet Union in the 1960's. If you like The Replacements, Bruce Springsteen, Ted Leo, Pavement, The Ramones, Hasil Adkins, or anything rockin' you can't afford not to listen! If you like Bloc Party, The Killers, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah or Franz Ferdinand, you ALSO can't afford to miss this. YOU JUST CAN'T AFFORD TO MISS THIS. IT'S FREE!

click here for the whole album!

Download specific tracks:
1. Virginia Is For Suckers
2. Set Of Wheels
3. Here Come The Hurricanes
4. Long Island, I Swear.
5. Sarah Lynn or What Do You Call A One Man Band Without A Girlfriend?
6. Wake Up Little Siouxie
7. Unhappy People
8. Applicant
9. Epiphany!
10. Tiny Kruschev
11. Turn Your Back

LYRICS AND EXPLANATIONS!

Virginia is for Suckers

When I was thinking about moving to VA., everyone I talked to had nothing but amazing things to say about it. “Oh the music scene is amazing!”, “Oh the people are so cool! You’re gonna love it!”. These people, as it turns out, had no idea what they were talking about.Once in VA., I got a job at a chain restaurant , where there were refugees from various states who had been similarly duped. We are the suckers, not the naitives.

Hey you gotta move
To Utopia down south
They got a music scene
That will knock you out

Either it’s a secret that’s closely guarded
Or everyone that I talked to was lying
Cuz everyone here is retarded
And I feel like dying and lord knows I’m trying
But I Want to go home

Maybe I am not
As cool as I thought
Maybe it’s the attitude
That I have brought

I’m through talking about the Civil War
The north won, get over it
You know way back in New York
We don’t give a shit
Or talk about it
Should this affect our relationship?
Fuck this place, I’m going home

Set of Wheels

Part one of two songs I wrote about 2 roomates I unfortunatly lived with. They were really critical of me, despite their own obvious shortcomings. So the moral is, be careful who you look down on from your high horse, they may become a one man band a sing nasty songs about you. Especially if you get drunk and crash your high horse into a mall.

I know what I would do but it’s easy to see I’m not the same as you
I know what I’ma do and nowhere on my schedule’s feeling bad for you

Cuz everyone and their momma told you not drink and drive
And it’s a miracle that you got out alive
But I’ll tell you how I would feel if she sent me up the river for a set of
wheels

You wake up to a drinking song and continue to sing it all day long
You wonder why you can’t get it up for sex when Budweiser’s part of your
balanced breakfast

Cuz everyone and their momma told you not drink and drive
And it’s a miracle that you got out alive
But I’ll tell you how I would feel if she sent me up the river for a set of
wheels

Here Come The Hurricanes

Every year more obscenely rich fools build lavish mansions in the path of mother nature’s fury. And then when there houses fall off their stilts into the ocean they seem shocked. Moral: No matter how hot your shit is, God always has an ace up His sleeve to humble your ass.

I got beach front property, you know it’s real cool
I can gaze upon the ocean as I swim in my pool
I got a life of luxury and buying up the keys is my fate

Well I got a wave runner , babe, I got me a yaught
You can come on my dock and,honey, check what I got
I got amillion dollars held up in sure-thing real estate

Oh no, here come the hurricanes!

Well, batten down the hatches, baby, turn off the gas
Open up the safe and throw in all of the cash
The party’s coming, the last thing it’ll be is lame

Hugo brought Coronas, Ivan brought the blow
They picked up the fence and threw it throught the window
Bob is comin’, Gloria is on her way

Oh no, here come the hurricanes!

Long Island, I Swear.

People hate Long Islanders.While I have personal objections to the LI lifestyle and attitude, it is where I am from. When I moved to upstate NY and later to VA. I found that people are very vocal about their disdain for the inhabitants of the island of my birth. Although I love Long Island so much I moved and never came back, when people talk shit about it I found myself getting very defensive. Almost in the same way it’s cool that you complain about your mom, but it’s not cool for anyone else to. It didn’t bother me so much in upstate NY, where people are generally laid back and polite( as well as fellow New Yorkers), but in Virginia it made me livid. The lines “They say wow you’re such a nice young man…” are direct quotes of what some woman had the gaul to say to me while I was serving her a burger. Which was very ironic, since I consider it the rudest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Watch a man bash his head against a steering wheel
Shocked and offended but there’s traffic all day, everyday
A man in line squirms like a toddler trying to “hold it in”
But there’s a line in every store, everyday
Stabbed in the throat, I can’t cope, so I’m leaving

But I promise to make enemies wherever I go

The boardwalk’s a Berlin wall between God and man
Importing desert sand so we can win the war
Think to myself my town gets more ghetto everyday
As I drive passed the mansions of the north shore
I’ll lose the accent carry on the tradition

Cause I promise to make enemies wherever I go
They say “ Wow you’re such a nice young man, I cant believe you’re from
there!
You people are usually so rude and vulgar, and only care about themselves”

But so are you and so do you, just in a different way

Wake Up Little Sioxsie

When I was younger I had an affinity for goth chicks. Probably because they were easy and I had low self esteem. Eventually I swore them off.Oddly, the one thing they all shared in common was wanting to pour melted candle wax on me, it was this connection between them that inspired this song. Although somewhere along the way the lyric that mentioned it evolved it’s way out of the song. Half of the first verse I plagerized from myslelf(John Fogerty style) They are also included in the hip hop song “Drunk in N.Y.C.” off my album Farewell Welfare.

Goth chix, hot tits, popping out their velvet black
Dresses hair in messes angel wing tattoos up on their back
She so pale cuz she never sees the sun
Looks like a vampire but she sucks out the cum

Gothic hot chick, bam bam bam
Honey turn off Ministry and put on The Jam
Gothic hot chick, oh my me
This little Siouxsie’s got me screaming like a Banshee

Nympho, full of whoa, hot like a habatche
She’s got me dressing like a poor man’s Liberace
She praying for a heart attack, pretending to read Kerouac
I can’t take it no more someone get this bitch some prozac

Gothic hot chick, bam bam bam
Honey turn off Ministry and put on The Jam
Gothic hot chick, oh my me
This little Siouxsie’s got me screaming like a Banshee

Maybe your Daddy didn’t treat you right
So you painted your face white
And now you avoid the light (cuz make-up is expensive)
I’ve met girls like you before
Say you’re vegetarian while eating pork
Can’t date Elvira anymore ( but I’ll never learn)

Sarah Lynn or What Do You Call a One Man Band Without a Girlfriend?

Never in my life of proloific song writing had I written a proper “love song” Since I’ve met and fallen in love with Sarah Lynn Weir I’ve written 5. I guess I’ve never really been in love before. She is just the sweetest little thing on this whole planet. She also supports me (emotionally and financially) while I attempt to find musical success. The “or” half of the title is a play on the old joke “What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?” The answer is homeless.

Baby don’t move a muscle while piss and brush my teeth
Oh girl, I want you exactly this way
Maybe I’ve been labeled trouble, damaged goods, and drunken freak
But, girl, you want me exactly this way
Maybe I don’t got a pot to piss in
And I don’t even got a clue
But, baby, my life’s a blessing
Cuz if I got you, I got everything

Skin so soft and bosom ample, most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen
Oh girl, I want you exactly this way
As I witness your example, I’m a better man then I’ve ever been
And, girl, you want me exaclty this way

Maybe I don’t got a pot to piss in
And I don’t even got a clue
But, baby, my life’s a blessing
Cuz if I got you, I got everything

Unhappy People!

Funny names of real towns + a negative assessment of humanity= rockin’ tune! Huey Lewis’s “The Heart of Rock’n’Roll is Still Beating” meets Buddha’s First Noble Truth

I’ve been to Buttsville, Pennsylvania
And I’ve been to Gayhead, Maine
And it’s all the same

I’ve been to Manasses, Virginia
And I’ve walked down Lickinghole Lane
And it’s all the same

6 billion people who just don’t give a shit
Continents, countries, cities and they all teeming with
Unhappy people (3x)
Oh God, I don’t care who you are
Leave me alone

I’ve been down to Coxsackie
When in Georgia stopped at Gay
And it’s all the same

I’ve been to Big Bone Lick State Park
And I’ve stopped at the Cheesequake
And it’s all the same

6 billion people who just don’t give a shit
Continents, countries, cities and they all teeming with
Unhappy people (3x)
Oh God, I don’t care who you are
Leave me alone

Applicant

This song pretty much explains itself. I was on an interview to get a job as an “account executive” at an industrial cleaning business in Richmond.I was in a suit and tie, clean shaven, trying hard to look like a real “go-getter” as I embarked on my journey to become a “responsible adult”. The guy next to me was dressed like he was filming a rap video at the beach. I caught a glimpse of his resume and it was the example templet from Microsoft Resume Builder. He had only changed the name to his. I didn’t get the job.

Slightly high, glossy stare
In a doo rag and jeans as he slumps in his chair
Talking proud, unaware
That she thinks he’s lying as he touch his face and plays with his hair

He’s got a resume that nobody would ever believe (2x)
He’s got a resume that nobody would ever follow up on
But here he is in the chair right next to me

Epiphany!

One of those “improper” love songs I wrote before I met Sarah Lynn. This is from a batch of songs I wrote while putting together a back up band in upstate NY. One day, the rest of them will also see the light of day.

Today you say you’re willing to make any sacrifice
Tommorow resent me for making such “stubborn demands”
You’ve changed, a little, I guess, I do agree the sex is nice
You bust on the scene and suddenly I’m changing my plans

Lucky for me before we set the stakes
You go on making familiar mistakes
And everytime I get you back
And get my face in your big rack
It’s the same old shit and away we go
But now I know
That I would rather live in the middle of nowhere, patheticly masturbating
Thinking of you, then actually being with you

Girl I can’t begin to understand
All your expectations for a man
But if you want a quiverring bowl of jello, baby say hello
To somebody else and say goodbye to me

Tiny Krushchev

Nikita Krushchev was the leader of the Soviet Union after Stalin. During his reign, which ended in 1964, he attended an international conference, intended to promote peace. When it was his turn to speak he took off his shoe and started banging it on the table and yelling, “ I will destroy you!”. Signifying he would get his way at all costs, even if it meant total annihalation. Some 50 years later a one man band was looking for a good metaphor for the self destuctive part of his personality. It seems while turning over a new leaf in his life, this particular “lets get wasted, do whatever you want, who gives a shit about the consequences” part of his personality was giving him quite a bit of resistance. For some reason, probably being that he’s a geek with above average Jeopardy skills, this piece of history jumped out at him, and “ Tiny Krushchev” was penned.

Hey step outside of me, getting mind off of matters, need room to breathe
I wanna walk, not stumble, into a life that rules

Hey, and I’m proud of me, I’m one step closer to where I wanna be
Not the life of the party or the coolest kid at the school

Or the uncoolest depending on your time table, now I’m just a killer brother
like I’m Cain, or was it Abel?
I got pride now, and I’m drawing lines in the sand.

Hey, cuz it’s time to be, the kind of man that I want to be
I got one foot in the grave the other two are rockin out with the band

Drunk man, drunk man
Running down the alley way with blood on his hands
Drunk man, drunk man
Walk into the bar and make ridiculous demands
Drunk man, drunk man
Does anyone listen to a word you say?
Drunk man, drunk man

There’s a tiny Krushchev
Bangin’ his shoe on a table in a conference in my brain
There’s a tiny Krushchev
And I think he’s gone insane

Turn Your Back

The anonymous “you” and “your” is God. While firmly against organized religon, I am a strong believer in God. When I was younger I used to feel It flow through me, it was a wonderful feeling. After about a decade of divorce, attempts on my life, and just generally being bitch slapped by life(for mistakes I made), I somehow lost it. Although I no longer “feel” It’s presence, I “know” It’s there. This is kinda of my way of saying, “Hey duder,sorry, I still love ya!”

I never see your face
But it’s not for lack of trying
You’ve been gone without a trace
And it makes feel like dying

I’m not afraid of dying alone
And I’m not afraid of dying
But I’m scared to death
That you’ll turn your back on me

You know, I’ve been out nightwalking
To figure out what I should do
Was it you who stopped our talking
Or did I turn my back on you

I’m not afraid of dying alone
And I’m not afraid of dying
But I’m scared to death
That you’ll turn your back on me